Phoenix
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control

They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that's fading away

You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

Refrain
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know

Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...

No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...

Refrain (x2)

It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away

Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive

I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

Refrain (x3)

VoDoX@twilightzone
::Now Playing::
Phoenix - If I ever feel Better

The Joshua Tree
yeah. Thats how I feel right now. The Joshua Tree cover. Black. Trimmed with gold. But still black. it would be DAMN funny if YOU TOO felt this way.
Ok .. bad joke.

Supposed to be doing essay now.But was listening to some old Mp3's and had sudden flashbacks. :
Things I miss :
Home, sweating in a hawker center, doing absolutely nothing at starbucks, stanley, lifeguard, East Coast Park, McDonalds Fish burgers and nuggets with curry sauce. Newton Char Siew Fan, Almost everything at Adam Road, Qoo, my mom, my dad, my sis. My dogs and cats, doing nothing at NUS, the bintan VIP members, long cool nights under a little pavillion sitting on uncomfortable chairs with a few bottles of wine, a few packs of smokes music in the background, stars in the sky, sea sounds over the balcony and the company of friends u cant deny, Potblack, acjc malay fried chicken with rice and tons of chili, Kurt & Kai.

Ill stop there, too many to keep on going.
Dad called today, spoke to me, and he knew something was wrong. or at least he said I dont sound happy. Didnt know what to say so I told him the obvious which I was sick. Everytime I think about this it brings a tear in. I really don't know what to do. It's taking a lot out of me this past week. Is this depression? Is it setting in. I dunno.

VoDoX@228am
::Now Playing::
Electronic - For You.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away Across the Universe.
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

Jai Guru Deva Om
Nothing's gonna change my world, Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world, Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on Across the Universe.
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,
They tumble blindly as they make their way Across the Universe

Jai Guru Deva Om
Nothing's gonna change my world, Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world, Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me.
Limitless, undying love, which shines around me like a million suns,
And calls me on and on Across the Universe

Jai Guru Deva Om
Nothing's gonna change my world, Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world, Nothing's gonna change my world.

So much to say
Havent blogged for a while.
There has been a lot on my mind. Lots of things going on. But sadly, it all isnt that great.
Jeff left yesterday. Had a good farewell for him, and its only one day into it and we can all sense his presence missing. Quite sad.
I see him going, and I too feel like leaving this place. Too much bad things here. Am truly sick of anything to do with school. I mean, i can even hear it in my voice whenever I speak to bin and she brings it up. I dunno. Sorry Bin.

But seriously, dont talk to me about school. Its been making me edgy for so long. I wanna run away from a lot of things, but on the other hand, im trying to work it all out. And it sucks. This was a good break, but I have to get back into the thick of the shit. Really sux.

I look at everyone at jeff's place on sat, and everyone seems to be moving up. To be upgrading, to be doing well in life. What about me? Somethings not right. Ive been here for too long, something is gnawing away at me. Is it depression? Nah.... but it sure seems like it. Its so easy to put it all behind you. To laugh away the worries, to drink it away to party it away. But it keeps coming back. In the lonley nights, in the lonley apartment. Jeff leaving did not help at all.

the gym is one thing keeping me going. Its working out well, i feel healthier... i feel stronger. But my will is slipping.
I ask this question to myself. If someone were to come along and ask me to run away from all this, and start life anew... would i do it.

You see it happen in the movies all the time.... But can I actually do it. I wanna do it so bad. Just go away. but i think if i had the chance. I might not. I can't break the mold. I cant break the teachings of my parents.
It sounds like im running away from a lot of problems. But its more like im just sick of everything. And that sickness is causing me these problems with school. MAke sense?

Watched The Hours yesterday. It was nothing but brilliance. Its a movie that leaves you speechless for a while. Yet for awhile I was scared because the movie made me think about things for awhile. About how life sometimes is trivial. And sometimes we do things for others and not forourselves. Never forourselves. And if that someone leaves, what happens then. What if that someone needs to leave, could you let them.

Dunno, the room here is dark again. Blacklight glowing hereand there. I need a sign.

"we live in a beautful world"


VoDoX@827pm
::Now Playing::
Coldplay - Don't Panic